okay so day 7 went by quickly as well as today. Now, got lots of things to write about.
So yesterday I woke up at 9 and started working on poker. Throughout the day I did okay, not great, but not bad either. Which I consider solid considering how bad it could have been, by the way some goes for today. Basically when I woke up everything was messy and it has already started the day before. I wanted to spend the ny at home with my gf working til 7pm for poker then a hot bath some sushi and a champagne a bit of tv and hit the bed so I can start working 9am today for poker basically a very calming night to rest and appreciate the little things. Ofc this didn’t happen because my bf really wanted to spend the ny with me and he got this idea that we go to the capital that then even my gf started to like so I knew what I want and that wasn’t possible anymore. So it was either go to the capital with them and do whatever or basically broke up with gf and ditch the freind cuz there’s no point in following the same plan I wanted if gf wasn’t down for it anymore. SO literally I only had those two options and the friends I’m talking about it worth having really and didn’t want to be alone either so went with it and ofc it all played out as I thought it wil. I got drunk and I don’t like myself when I’m drunk, I spent a lot of money, I wasted the whole day today, and I didn’t really enjoy at all. One good thing came out of this though. I thought a lot about some things this morning and I’m ready not to take some action that I will reveal later, something for what I didn’t have enough anger/drive to do it before. And I totally hate tv, sugars and partying now thanks to yesterday so I’m going dark again for probably forever.
Ok so anyways because I knew ny is not gonna go according to my plans yesterday morning was hard since I didn’t find the motivation to do anything since I didn’t have a morning routine mandatory for that day and I was angry at the things above not going to my plan and running out of time to do everything etc. So one big thing I managed to do is just to snap and take a really cold shower and get back into the zone and finish up as much as I could. I them meditated and played 4 tables 6max for 1.5h and finished the month at 5k hands which was the target. I also did a good warmup and played well. I read the plo book and rewatched two coachings.Then we had dinner chilled a bit and went to ljubljana.
So today I got herpes like everytime when I drink and felt like shit also dehidrated etc. so spend lots of time watching tv and eating shit and feeling like shit. I also thought about some things a lot. And now I’m writing this. It was hard to get momentum back and I hate losing it although I am grateful for this experience now, I see the world in a bit different perspecitve.
Now bottom line is, I know what I want and I know how I want to feel and what I will do. Tomorrow I need to drive 2h to get back to the seaside and I need to pack and some things like that I’m thinking of waking up early, doing some work, eat breakfast and lunch and be off not to meet my parents and other since I just want to be focused and alone. I want to take time a make final plans tmrw and do some of the work. I don’t have the momentum actually but need to get it back and I know I will. I will wake up early and make plans eat breakfast put in some of the work, lunch, go. Today I will just write down some of the stuff I’ve been thinking about and watch one last episode of suits in a ong time now and hit the bed.
1. I understand why people with power want more power(also money), it all made sense to me today, when you feel powerless it’s the worst feeling in the world and then you forget to not be egoistic, you do everything to keep that power
2. when hurt is done to you all you want to do is hurt back and everything else goes out the window
3. you either live in a bubble and accept that moment of powerless will come, which thins the bubble experience or you strive to gain power but never attein that joy you might get in the bubble overall the realization how much life sucks, how much luck matters and is unfair and imposible to tame no matter how hard you try so either you sacrifice a lot to obtain power or prepare to be powerless in many situations where ofc anger will then raise
4. tina maze posts – people are immediately offended if you indicate you’re better than someone, unless you’re totally humble they will hate you but if you are humble you won’t get anything done, ofc humble in a way they think of it – life is great but people, we are just so flawed being that there is no hope for us